Sharing an apartment with his bandmates was tougher than he had expected, and he had already known it would be tough. As expected, Sojun, being the only rich kid in the mix, was the one who complained the most about their living quarters. He was used to a much more extravagant life, and he was very willing to tell them as such. It grated on everyone else’s nerves really quickly.

 

Yasu was decently quiet, but he was moping about missing his mum(‘s cooking) like the mama’s boy he was. He would often sigh as he looked off into the distance, clearly worried about being away for so long. It was apparently the longest amount of time he’d been away from home in his whole life, and while he was excited to be in Midi City, he still longed for UNZ and the little corner of the world he and his mum inhabited.

 

Hachin was the loudest, but he would have bouts of silence that so far, only Joe had seemed to notice. He was his usual self most of the time, but the closer they got to going to bed, the weirder he got. At one point he had even caught Hachin staring at Yasu with red cheeks hugging a pillow between his chest and his knees with a strange look on his face. Joe didn’t get the chance to comment, because as soon as the bumblebee caught him looking he went back into dramatics, as if to play it off even though the other two hadn’t even noticed. Joe narrowed his eyes at the boy, but didn’t say anything about it in the end.

 

️

 

Come time to sleep, everyone was tired, and Sojun caused a stir when he tried to hog the futons, speaking of not being accustomed to not sleeping in his own expensive bed. Hachin, predictably, ended up almost throwing hands with the older boy, until Joe managed to get them all sorted. There was still activity until late that first evening, chatting about the day hunting treasure and ShinganCrimsonz’ drummer treating them to dinner. Yasu was already half asleep by the time it was his turn to take a bath and had to be shaken quite a bit to get on his feet. He was done so quickly Joe almost thought Sojun really had used up all the hot water, like he’d said he’d done, but it seems he just wanted to get to sleep as soon as possible. And as soon as Yasu’s head hit the pillow, he was out like a light.

 

Sojun fell asleep only a few minutes later, lulled to sleep by the sound of Hachin’s babble about anything that seemed to come to mind. Joe, sleepy as well, told Hachin to go to sleep, and eventually everything quieted down.

 

-

 

At four in the morning Joe woke up choking on his own blood. It didn’t happen too often while he was asleep, but it was always an unpleasant feeling, and it had made sure he never slept on his back in fear of drowning in his sleep.

 

Covering his mouth with his hand to avoid blood dripping on the tatami, he made his way onto his feet and toward the bathroom to rinse out the red and the taste of iron. He stayed in there for a long time, brushing his teeth again. He hated the feeling on his teeth after he woke up like this. As he spat out the toothpaste he heard the quiet sound of the front door closing, and he peered into the dark outside the lit bathroom. Hachin’s shoes were missing. How could someone normally so loud manage to sneak past him, put on his shoes and jacket, without being noticed until the door creaked?

 

Confused, Joe rinsed his toothbrush and put it away, stopping in the tiny hallway. Never mind how he managed to sneak past, why was he leaving in the middle of the night like this? He was starting to get a little bit concerned, though he had no real reason to be. He pulled on his own shoes, looking further into the apartment to make sure the other two were still sleeping before he too left through the door.

 

️

 

Once properly outside, the phoenix looked around, looking for his bandmate. He spotted the bright blond shine under a streetlight down the road, and with quite a bit of hesitation, he headed that way. Not because he thought he’d gotten the wrong person,but because he didn’t know his bandmates that intimately. Frankly, the one they knew the most about was Yasu, due to all having met his mum, but neither of them had a very close relationship to each other. He just wasn’t sure that, if something was wrong, he’d know how to handle it. But as the lone adult in the group, he felt some sense of responsibility for them all, especially the two younger members.

 

When he came up to his bandmate, Hachin was still staring into the sky. You couldn’t see that many stars here in such a big city, but looking up he could see blinking lights of airplanes and spaceships heading toward the galaxy. When he looked back down at Hachin, he jumped in surprise at having the bumblebee look at him in complete silence. He couldn’t even hear him breathing, despite how loud every movement the boy made usually was. Again, he was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, though lacking the company of his pillow this time. The sight of him wearing his bulky jacket over his clearly too big pajamas, curled up on the bench in the cold night made him seem so small and lonely that Joe knew for certain that yes, he should definitely be concerned.

 

Staring at each other in silence, Joe saw Hachin’s expression go from completely void of emotion to mild annoyance. “What?” he asked, pouting up at the other.

 

Shaking his head, Joe motioned to the empty space on the bench. “Mind if I sit?” Normally he wouldn’t ask, but the air around Hachin felt brittle, making him want to be careful. Though that might just be due to the cold, too.

 

“Do whatever you want,” Hachin rolled his eyes and hugged his knees tighter to his body, shivering in the cold.

 

“What’re you doing out? I thought you hated the cold.”

 

“...Just thinking.” The response came slowly, quietly, like he expected being made fun of it for it. Had he been Sojun, he probably would have said something along the lines of ‘didn’t know you could do that, Hachiko’ , but it still made Joe’s chest feel just a tiny bit tighter that he’d expect the same mockery from him.

 

“What about?” Joe wasn’t sure he’d be willing to tell him about it, but he didn’t want to see his bandmate clearly distraught.

 

The silence stretched, Hachin looking at him like he was trying to figure out whether he could be trusted or not (and that kind of hurt, even though they weren’t close). Biting his lip before seemingly remembering the sharpness of his teeth, Hachin finally made up his mind.

 

“I know this isn’t really a sleepover, we’re here to work and play music, but this whole thing made me think of when I went to one as a kid.” Hachin paused, as if waiting to be told off about thinking of it even remotely as a sleepover, but Joe just waited patiently, so he hesitantly continued. “I never had that many friends growing up, cus, you know, I’m annoying and stupid, but Y- I had this one friend, and he invited me to his house when the other kids said I couldn’t come to their sleepover. 

 

I’d never even been to anyone else’s house before, and he invited me to stay the night . I thought no way, that’s never gonna happen, especially not the same night as he thought of it, but his mum said yes, and she was so nice , it was like… like… both kids and adults all hated me so it was such a shock, but Yas- uh, his mum actually seemed to like me. It felt like I was doing something bad for wanting her attention all to myself, just like I wanted Ya- his attention to myself too, so I never went back there, and then we started going to different schools, and then, turns out he doesn’t even remember me now, and I just kept thinking about it all night when I looked at him and it just hurts , so I had to get some air.”

 

The silence of the night was deafening after the monologue Joe had just listened to. He watched Hachin fidget, painfully awkward looking where he sat, tugging at his own fingers to the point that Joe was worried he might disjoint them. Taking a deep breath, he guided Hachin’s hands so they didn’t do that anymore, making the bumblebee flinch ever so slightly, letting out a desperate, high pitched laugh. “J-just kidding! You know me, like I’d have a single thought in my head, I’m just joking!”

Joe met Hachin’s wide, worried eyes, and Joe knew that they probably weren’t the only ones who’d treated the boy like an idiot. Now he felt guilty for not giving his feelings a second thought. After the lyrics he’d written for his parts in one of their songs about hiding insecurities with his fists, he really should have gotten the hint. “So, Yasu…?” he asked carefully, and it looked like Hachin was going to burst into tears at any moment when he responded with a nod. God he looked so stressed about having opened up to him like this.

 

“I’m sorry, this is pathetic,” Hachin murmured as he wiped at his eyes furiously, “You can go inside now, the cold’s gotta be bad for you,” he continued, trying to come off more secure but voice wobbling despite his best efforts.

 

“Hachin…” Joe wasn’t good at comforting people, never had been. He was definitely in too deep waters, but he didn’t want to just leave Hachin there to feel terrible for who knows how long. “Do you… do you need a hug?”

 

Hachin stared at him in obvious shock, seemingly forgetting himself at the sound of the question. “Um… but my face’s all gross, I’m gonna get snot all over you.”

 

“It’s easy to clean off, don’t worry about that.”

 

Seeing the hesitation on Hachin’s face, Joe held out his arms in an effort to make things easier. Finally, the bumblebee put down his legs and scooted closer, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Joe’s torso while Joe hugged him back with just as much awkwardness. At first the boy’s entire body was as tense as the string on a bow about to snap, but eventually he melted into the touch, the stream of tears picking up again as he hugged Joe tightly, pressing his face into the leather of the man’s jacket. “I just, am, a-a-am I that, that forgettable? I thought I w-w-was his best friend b-but I wasn’t- I wasn’t even worth re… remembering? Doesn’t that- do-doesn’t that mean if I died no one would even rem...mmmember I’d ever been there? Am I- I ju-ju-ju… don’t matter to an… an… an… any… one…”

 

Joe stared across the parking lot. He didn’t dare ask about his family in case it sent him spiraling even more. Thinking about the shock Hachin had mentioned feeling about learning Yasu’s mum was nice, how he feared no one would remember him if something happened to him… it sounded like there was more than anger and cheerfulness hiding away in his bandmate’s body. His dad had once mentioned that a lot of people use smiles to hide the hurt they feel inside, but he’d been young back then and in the hospital, complaining about how the nurse kept on smiling while he was probably going to die before he hit 30, and he hadn’t really understood it at the time. Later, he’d wondered what it must be like, seeing people who suffer all day, every day. Maybe his dad had a point. It made him wonder if Sojun was hiding something behind his behaviour as well.

 

They stayed like that for a long time, until they were both shivering from the cold, but at least Hachin seemed to have calmed down, his crying nothing more than snivelling from the need to blow his nose. Joe rubbed up and down Hachin’s arms to get some temperature back into him, when Hachin straightened his back, avoiding his eyes as he mumbled a ‘thank you’ followed by him asking Joe to please not tell Yasu or Sojun about this.

 

It was an easy promise to make, though he would try to reel Sojun in faster when he made too much fun of the younger boy.

 

He patted Hachin gently on the head, feeling the boy lean into the touch after some initial hesitation. Hopefully by the time they had to get back out of bed it wouldn’t be too obvious that he’d spent so much of the night crying.

 

And when Hachin asked with the smallest voice he’d ever heard come out of the bumblebee if they maybe, just maybe were kind of friends, Joe could easily agree. After this, there was no doubt that they were.

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